FINALLY...i have figured it out

It isn't variance after all...I suck! Got shortstacked in the silver freeroll by shoving AhKh in to 22 (22 raised for 3rd time in last 4hands and i shoved allin over the top...he calls and I do not improve). Hang on till close to the bubble and finally shove allin pre with 77...get called by sb 88...catch a miracle 7 on the flop...and get resucked by the river 8. That was all fairly standard. But I really figured out how bad I must be in the live game $50 rebuy and add on. 20 people showed and tourney payed 4 spots (1st $1350 i think). I double buyin for 10k in chips and get that to about 13k over the first 3 orbits. Then pick up KK and make a standard raise utg...mp player cold calls and button calls. Flop comes 962 rainbow and I lead for 1/2 pot...mp player raises 3x my bet...i push allin and he tanks then calls and shows JJ. I hold and he rebuys. I now sit with about 17k chips. Lose about 1200 of those floating with a J high flop when i raised 88 preflop shortly thereafter. Then comes the big hand for me. JJ player from earlier limps..cutoff limps...sb completes and i check my option from the bb with 83off. Flop 883. Sb checks...I check...JJ player from before opens for pot size bet...cutoff folds...sb folds..I raise..he minreraises and I shove. He again tanks and then calls. He tables 86o and I just have to dodge the 2 outer (or chop fromm runner runner paired over card). Turn is a Jack and river is an Ace. He says "fuck this bs" and does not rebuy. Sooo now I have about 21K in chips when the average is at about 8k. I finish at the break with 19k and add on for another 5k chips. Win a few pots after the break and get up to my highwater mark of about 29k. I then get involved in a big pot with the host of the tournament. He had 18k to start the hand. He raises from utg+1 and I call from cutoff with 9d10d. Flop comes AdJc7h. He bets half pot and I call. The turn is the Kd. He leads for about 1/3 of the pot and I shove allin with the flush and gutterball draw. He has to call off his last 9500 chips and tanks. I could have just called to see if I could catch, but I know this guy to be good enough that I thought he would fold anything short of a set or higher flush and better gutter ball draw there. He called and tabled AQo and I blanked the river. Now I am one of the shorter stacks and go card dead. I blind down to 7.5k in chips right when the blinds increase to 500/1000. I get AQo in the BB and shove over a limb by the button and complete by the sb. Very next hand I get 99 in the sb and shove over 1 limper from mp. BB and limper fold and I am up to 11.5k chips (average now about 18k). Very next hand I am on the button and see a TAG player limp from utg 3 folds...a limp...and a fold. I raise to 3500 from the button hoping they read as a move from postion. Sb and BB fold and both limpers cold call me. Flop comes J92 with 2 spades (i have no spade). I put my last 8k of chips in the pot when they check it to me. Utg folds but mp player calls and shows 99 for flopped set. I do not improve and I am out. So despite starting with a massive chip lead, I cannot close. I pretty much got bitchslapped around during my big card drought between the rebuy period and the big pot for 36K chips that i lost on the draw to 12 outs with only 1 card to come. Time to lick my wounds and figure out a better game plan. Hopefully things go better tomorrow night in the Bodog Blogger tourney. Still dangerously close to the 18man bubble in points and could really use a top 5 finish to get some breathing room (not to mention the free T$109 so graciously given to the top 5 finishers by Bodog). May your Aces hold and races win as long as I am nowhere near.

JD